A Name and Two Dates
by burnthebook
Summary: Months after Neil's tragic suicide, Todd visits his grave and tells him everything he regrets not doing when Neil was alive. Anderperry if you close one eye and squint. One shot


**A/N: My first DPS fic! I wrote this late one night after I watched the movie for the millionth time. Anderperry if you close one eye and squint.**

It's only been a few months since the night of the play. The air was still cold and the trees had yet to recover from the freezing Vermont winter. Spring still felt miles away, any hope of warmth absent from Todd Anderson's mind. It seemed all he knew was ice and bitter winds.

The dead, yellow grass crunched beneath his feet as he neared the cemetery. He tried to come as often as he could, but something always seemed to get in the way. When he heard that Neil's headstone had finally arrived, he figured he had waited long enough.

When he found Neil's grave again, he stared in almost disbelief. The etching on the stone was exactly as Mr. Perry had described it. He half expected the man to completely throw out the society's input.

The society had talked it over and decided that it would be best if they had something to contribute to Neil's grave. After all, they had all loved him like a brother. Together they went to Mr. Perry and proposed the idea. They originally wanted to put an entire poem on the backside of the headstone. But Mr. Perry denounced the idea immediately.

He had said, "A respectable man does not have such a girly thing as poetry etched on his headstone." And a mess of other things voicing his disapproval. The boys all tried to convince him that he was wrong and Neil would have loved it, but the man wasn't having any of it. After a bit of hassling, and a small bit of threatening from Charlie, they had reached an agreement. Neil's headstone would be traditional in every way, except for two words engraved in small font at the bottom. It was an unspoken understanding that the only reason Thomas Perry had settled for the two words was because he felt guilty. Although no one would argue otherwise.

A harsh gust of air blew through the cemetery, causing Todd to tighten his coat around himself. He looked around the rest of the grounds at the other monuments, most of them old and forgotten. A few were overgrown with weeds or vines, some were cracked or chipped, others the text had almost completely faded off. Neil's still gleamed in the light.

"I never planned that one day i'd lose you," he began with a quiet voice barely over a whisper.

Todd didn't feel anything for those other graves. They were just graves to him, while mildly unsettling, they held no emotional value to him. Neil's on the other hand, just a glimpse and Todd felt his heart drop at his feet.

"Not once did I ever think you'd leave me. Certainly not like this," a chilling breeze swept through the cemetery, causing the trees to gently shake. "I want to be angry with you. I really wish that i could. But I can't. I can't be angry with you because…" he looked away, he inhaled in an effort to stop the tears from forming.

"I'll admit, the day I heard you died I was angry. I was angry at your father for treating you like he did, I was angry at the school for putting so much pressure on us. I was angry at the world in general. But mostly I was angry at myself," he stated. His voice getting louder and louder with each sentence. "I should have spoken up. I should have tried to be a better friend. I should have tried my best to be there with you every day. I didn't try to be an active member in your life," he claimed, his voice breaking. He looked down, his attention on the handful of flowers in his grasp. He crouched, eye level with the marker. Placing one hand on top of the cool stone, he set the flowers on the ground.

"I was so scared of letting people down, of letting you down, I didn't even try." he explained. "Im so sorry. Im so so sorry. But I could never be angry with you, Neil. Not even if I tried." he whispered. He traced every etching on the stone. A name and two dates did not do justice to someones entire life. Especially someone like Neil. He finally traced the letters on the bottom, the ones in small font, barely there. Those two words said more about Neil than any name or set of numbers ever could. Two words that started a brotherhood. _Carpe Diem._


End file.
